How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
