You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
