Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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