Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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