Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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