if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
