What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
