I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
