Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
