you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
