Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
