im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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