I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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