i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
