i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
