We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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