somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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