I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
