Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
