yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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