Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
