we have officially lost it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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