If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
