epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
