i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
