Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
