You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
