at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
