Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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