Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
