Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
