New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
