If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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Do I have a choice?
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize