My cat gives me a boner
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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