Cold hands, warm shart.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
