You really coming over, don't trick.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
