OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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