Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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