Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
