Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
