that's an acceptable place to lick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
