laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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