you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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