So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
