Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
