She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
