Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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