I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
