I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
