after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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