i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
