Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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