Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
