yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
