I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him