Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.