So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n