the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way