Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.