I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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