I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.