Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.