Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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