my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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