spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
