i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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