I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
