It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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