i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need moral support for this bender
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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