how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
