my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
where are my eyebrows?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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