Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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