i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
