I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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