wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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