in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
